Stacey Mollus is a humor columnist who believes laughter is the best form of exercise. She is a gardening diva who hates worms, but loves to get her fingers in the dirt. Besides gardening, she loves her family, chocolate and clothes that are stretchy. You can find her personal blog site at " ", and tweets at “queenchocolates”.

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Jun 01
Mowing Rookie  




Mowing Rookie
by Stacey Mollus - posted 06/01/12

Just got off the mower. This is a new thing for me because traditionally, my hubby did yard work and car repairs, while I cleaned the bathrooms and did dishes. But after years of athletics, his back problems forced him to ask for help. From me.

He informed me that I should probably start with the easy stuff, so he pointed me towards the riding lawn mower. I climbed aboard, as he began giving me a detailed description of each lever and button, and their purposes. I wasn't really listening, because I was thinking, "I wonder if this thing will go as fast as the go carts did, when I rode them in Branson last year?"

Once he finished the lesson, he gave me the wave that told me I could proceed. I hit the pedal, and before I could say, "Yee haw", the mower lunged forward and it took all I had to hold on! I felt like bull rider, trying to hang on for 6 seconds!

After I righted myself and the hubby stopped laughing, I took a few spins around the yard. I soon began feeling a bit cocky, and decided to go through the gate of the fence without assistance. 

I crept up to the opening and when I stood up to unlatch the gate, the mower let out a huge BANG! I thought there had been a drive-by. I sat there, making sure we were all OK, when my hubby came up and said, "You have to put the brake on when you stand up or the mower will backfire. Just don't stand up."
Fheww! Glad we were all safe.

I was really beginning to enjoy mowing, when the husband decided I was ready to graduate to another piece of equipment. The leaf blower.

Once again, he gave me a tutorial on the buttons and the levers, then fired it up. He handed it to me and mimed to me, "wave it back and forth".

I smile and did exactly like I was coached. He felt confident in my ability, and went off to weed eat.

I waved it over the grass clippings, and blew them away. I waved it at the old leaves I found behind the air conditioning unit, and blew them away. I waved it at the dogs, and they got up, gave me a dirty look and moved away. I was pretty proud of myself, waving it like I was a baton twirler in a parade, when suddenly the motor stopped.

I lifted the blower to see what happened, and my shirt rose up with it. I looked a little closer and noticed, the string on the bottom of my shirt had been sucked into he motor and locked it up.

I had no choice but to humble myself, and ask my teacher to free me. After several tugs and pulls, the string broke off and I was able to keep my shirt on, but I was banned from the leaf blower. He wouldn't even let me near the trimmer!

Despite the obstacles I have met, I am still mowing. I love taking my leisurely stroll around the yard looking like I am taking a Sunday drive,  waving at the neighbors, and enjoying the smell of the freshly cut grass. It is hard work, but I guess someone has to do it. 



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